Day 1 - Shoot.

Oh, look at that, there it is. Glad I didn't bash the computer like I had wanted to.

Day 2 - Just published a wonderful post ending with my goal for the day: don't sweat the small stuff. Thought I published it and now it appears to have been swallowed up in some sort of blog black hole. S**t, I should pay more attention to how these things work - ok, back to my goal. Breathe...

Day 2 - Well, survived the night, aided by a very yummy pizza. Probably not the healthiest replacement for my usual wine, but, dammit, it was necessary! Did I mention that I seem to have an extra 25-30lbs on me since my last baby was born two and a half years ago. Couldn't have anything to do with my wine and pizza consumption, I'm sure. Well, in all seriousness, I'm just trying to get through the days with some calmness and an appreciation for all I have. My nerves seem to be frayed these days and my poor kids have borne the brunt of it. Goal for today: don't sweat the small stuff.

Well, this is my first post and I'm already thinking that the title is a little misleading. It makes me seem normal. I'm not normal. I'm not a freak with weird secret fetishes, or anything like that, but I'm definitely not what most people think of when they picture a suburban mom. But maybe no one is what they "should be" or what society has labeled them. We're all complicated beasts and this blog is my way of dealing with that.

Let's just get it out there and move on. I'm thirty-six years old, married to a wonderful guy for ten years, mother of four amazing kids, and an alcoholic. I grew up in a very affluent town and am now living in a similar town where perfection is not only expected, but assumed. After years of dealing with my inevitable lack of this perfection in ways that varied from eating disorders, alcohol, and self-hate, I'm writing this blog as a final way to say "F**k it!".

Today is my Day 1, in so many ways. Day 1 of sobriety. Day 1 of self-acceptance, for better or for worse. Day 1 of honesty. Day 1 of Life. I'm not sure how I'll proceed with this blog, I guess I'll just let it grow organically and see what happens. This is my gift to myself and I can't wait to track my journey. What the hell, here we go!